Sunday, May 30, 2010

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the good times that we had. Will you please just give me another chance? there's so many thing I need to tell you now :'( .

Some people just dont understand how the kids feel when their parents is not with them . Okay i bet you dont understand . what i meant is when their parents get divorced . Eventhough they got the coolest Step mother or step father, they will still feel sad you'know . Seeing their friends happy with their family can sometimes make them jealous. They feel like no one understand them , no one knows what they feel and no one care or bother about what they want and sometimes it can also make them do the stupid thing without thinking . All they ever what is to be loved , someone can take care of them , someone who will always be there for them . Yeah i do know and i do understand it very well because i do feel the same way too . But yeah , i admit that im not that kind of person who need someone to take care of , someone who you'know . Im the kind of girl who live in my own world . But nowadays i just dont know whats happening to me , I feel like no one understand me at all . Even me , I dont understand myself . why do i get so easy to mind what people say but infront of them all i ever do is smile.
This year has been by far, the most stressful, problematic year of my life. Hands down.There's just a lot of misunderstandings, misjudges and just everything that's just wrong, false.Everytime I walk in school, I feel like people are giving me the stare behind my back. As if I have a dirty stain on my uniform or I'm carrying a sign that's saying, "Look Here and Give Me That Bitchy Stare Of Yours. I Freaking Deserve It".I know, there's a few or a huge number of people talk bad things about me. I know I'm a total bitch, a total fucker who deserves every single curse that exists in this world, every single bad talk that exists, everything that's just bad enough to make me look like an ugly poop or the ugliest human being that ever existed.Because of all these feelings that are circling in my head, I'm starting to lose confidence of myself. I'm starting to feel like everything I do, every single thing is wrong. Totally wrong.The way I walk, the way I talk, the way I treat people, the way I help my friends.Total lack of confidence I tell you.Ive been wasting my time on things that I should not even care, on things that Im not even suppose to give a damn about but just for the sake of making things right, I tend to care.And when I do care , I will , I must make that thing right !But then, itll turn out wrong. Itll turn out the way that I dont and never wish itll be.At the same time, no one does and will even understand the reason why I do it. Nope, not even a single a human being.Even if any of 'em try to understand or maybe do understand, they don't understand the reason 100%. No one will !I dont know what else Im suppose or can say. I can brag everything about what I'm feeling right now til dawn.But Im too speechless. Too clueless. Too stupid to write another single thing.Gosh, I feel like tearing my hair out.I feel like I want to fly solo from now on. Just settle things by myself, mhm.By doing that, I wont get myself into any other nonsensical, stupid misunderstandings, fights or whatnot .Ill just be on my own, so no one can blame me for anything. Cause if Im on my own, my mistakes are my problem.Ill do things my own way.okay whatever . Allah i know you understand me more than anyone does . Please Allah make me feel calm . I know my parents love me , my family love me but my friends? yeah i think so , i dont know.

Exams are over which a big relief for me . Last 2 papers were arts and perdagagan . Art is my weakest subject. well blame my hand :p. Pd i could actually answer most of the questions . Most of the questions consisting you'know insurans and all . I just tembak and bomb . haha . but yeah last night i studied :D. I hope itll turn out A. haha . yeah dream on .

Hurm, what else? :) . Alright i gtg :) tq fr lending me your beautiful eyes >,<


Anonymous said...'re very talented!

SyuhadaJohari said...

i love you so muchhhhhhhhhhh!