Sunday, May 30, 2010

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the good times that we had. Will you please just give me another chance? there's so many thing I need to tell you now :'( .

Some people just dont understand how the kids feel when their parents is not with them . Okay i bet you dont understand . what i meant is when their parents get divorced . Eventhough they got the coolest Step mother or step father, they will still feel sad you'know . Seeing their friends happy with their family can sometimes make them jealous. They feel like no one understand them , no one knows what they feel and no one care or bother about what they want and sometimes it can also make them do the stupid thing without thinking . All they ever what is to be loved , someone can take care of them , someone who will always be there for them . Yeah i do know and i do understand it very well because i do feel the same way too . But yeah , i admit that im not that kind of person who need someone to take care of , someone who you'know . Im the kind of girl who live in my own world . But nowadays i just dont know whats happening to me , I feel like no one understand me at all . Even me , I dont understand myself . why do i get so easy to mind what people say but infront of them all i ever do is smile.
This year has been by far, the most stressful, problematic year of my life. Hands down.There's just a lot of misunderstandings, misjudges and just everything that's just wrong, false.Everytime I walk in school, I feel like people are giving me the stare behind my back. As if I have a dirty stain on my uniform or I'm carrying a sign that's saying, "Look Here and Give Me That Bitchy Stare Of Yours. I Freaking Deserve It".I know, there's a few or a huge number of people talk bad things about me. I know I'm a total bitch, a total fucker who deserves every single curse that exists in this world, every single bad talk that exists, everything that's just bad enough to make me look like an ugly poop or the ugliest human being that ever existed.Because of all these feelings that are circling in my head, I'm starting to lose confidence of myself. I'm starting to feel like everything I do, every single thing is wrong. Totally wrong.The way I walk, the way I talk, the way I treat people, the way I help my friends.Total lack of confidence I tell you.Ive been wasting my time on things that I should not even care, on things that Im not even suppose to give a damn about but just for the sake of making things right, I tend to care.And when I do care , I will , I must make that thing right !But then, itll turn out wrong. Itll turn out the way that I dont and never wish itll be.At the same time, no one does and will even understand the reason why I do it. Nope, not even a single a human being.Even if any of 'em try to understand or maybe do understand, they don't understand the reason 100%. No one will !I dont know what else Im suppose or can say. I can brag everything about what I'm feeling right now til dawn.But Im too speechless. Too clueless. Too stupid to write another single thing.Gosh, I feel like tearing my hair out.I feel like I want to fly solo from now on. Just settle things by myself, mhm.By doing that, I wont get myself into any other nonsensical, stupid misunderstandings, fights or whatnot .Ill just be on my own, so no one can blame me for anything. Cause if Im on my own, my mistakes are my problem.Ill do things my own way.okay whatever . Allah i know you understand me more than anyone does . Please Allah make me feel calm . I know my parents love me , my family love me but my friends? yeah i think so , i dont know.

Exams are over which a big relief for me . Last 2 papers were arts and perdagagan . Art is my weakest subject. well blame my hand :p. Pd i could actually answer most of the questions . Most of the questions consisting you'know insurans and all . I just tembak and bomb . haha . but yeah last night i studied :D. I hope itll turn out A. haha . yeah dream on .

Hurm, what else? :) . Alright i gtg :) tq fr lending me your beautiful eyes >,<

Friday, May 28, 2010

Have you ever gone through that moment when you want things to be alright so so much ? You reminisce the old times and hope for things to be just like how it used to be. But after thinking about it thoroughly, you know everything's impossible. Screw Nike for saying Nothing Is Impossible, I just proved it wrong. I thought it is possible for things to be a-okay, to be back on track, to be fine you know. After trying so hard, nothing seems to change. So, where's the possibility in that now ? Gone with the wind perhaps. I miss eveything . I miss everything . I miss my old life . Till today, you have no idea how much do I regret making that decision. But I just had to. That's why I'm letting it all out right here. 'Cause I have no one to talk to anymore. The only person who understands me, who knows what I'm going through, who would listen to me babbling, who would be a listener, who wouldn't mind listening to me letting out my problems while crying, who is just a very dear friend,nowhere to be found anymore. I am feeling a tad bit emo and I dont know why .Have you ever felt like as if when you need to talk to someone . And you end up ranting everything to him/her but they never pay attention ? It feels as if you'd be better off talking to a wall right ?Anyways , I cooled down after that . I knew you werent doing it on purpose so its okay . Okay . I shall stop complaning . I am grateful fr what i have now Allah but its just that I miss my old life . I am 17 and is this how my life should be ? Can i have one happy family ? or I dont deserve it ? okay . I know this is a challenge from You . :)
I miss high school already although I'm not out of it just yet. I can already tell I'm going to miss school and my friends and everything associated to high school let it be gossiping amongst all of us. I mean, who are we kidding ourself. After we leave school, there's no saying we'll be this close again kan ? Hohum. THANK GOD FOR FACEBOOK.

Hurm , what else ? oh yeah , IRA helped me today . cant you see that my blog page became AWESOME ? haha . yeah , i know . its obvious . :p
Ira made it by her ownself . i owe her . thank you ira fr helping . I am glad to have you as my friend young lady . A big fat thanks to you . :) .

Okay now im having my fucking mid term which is haih , i dont know what to say la . I know , I have to start the HARD WORK now before its too late , I just have to . I woke up at 5 a.m in the morning just to study fr the past few days and im proud of myself , :p

Nowadays , I try to do everything by my ownself . I mean i dont ask help frm maid anymore . I wash my cloth , I make sure my room clean . I do most of evrytthing by my ownself . :') okay what ? at least I have changed a bit? i am not the old faresha anymore , the one who is so lazy , wake up late , ask maid to do evrything , who cant survive without maid but now I dont give a damn about maid , i know how to take care of myself . :')

I cant wait for holidays to come , i miss my cousins . I miss everyone , :')

okay i shall go to bed right now , it past my bed time so good night . sorry fr the grammar and spelling error :P . :')

Monday, May 24, 2010

okay, i cant sleep . im missing waheeda so damn badly . :'( . how i wish you were here . tonight i dont care about my bloody spelling or grammar or whateve r . i just need to let this thing out . im so damn freakin stress . I dont know whats happening to me , i mean i dont even know how to control myself which is haih ,you'know . I feel so damn bloody useless . I made my mom cry , what kind of daughter am i ? do i have feeling ? as you can see , i love my mom and dad more than anything and my siblings and family and friends , to me they are everything , theres nothing i could ask for more but i always make them dissapointed of my behavior . okay enough , i wont tell anybody about myself , i mean i have to handle it alone and im not goin to drag anyone . so , the conclusion is PLEASE stop making me stress . I need to rest , i need to concentrate on my SPM , im tired . i need to sleep now . its 12.22 a.m . i need to wake up at 5.00 am tomorrow . have to study so bye .

Friday, May 21, 2010

Ohkayy , Its been like 2 days sine I last posted something on this shit . I am trying to write in whole letters now and not in short forms cause well , I think short forms are ugly dontchuu think so ? :) haha . I am posting in the evening so that my urge to blog will not disturb my needs to study effectively tonight . right -,-.Yes it is saturday and yes tomorrow's sunday which means I have school and yeah the ENGLISH paper is waiting for me :P

You dont know how much i miss you la used to be my very bestfriend . you are the one who i can tell everything , even if i call you late at night , even when youre sleeping you will be like

Me You
Hey , what are you doing?sleeping?Sorry for bothering .
Eh no lah . im okay . No, you are not bothering me .
Can i talk to you for awhile ?
La . sure . I dont mind lah .
Whats wrong ? Are you okay?
blablablabla blablablabla

Thanks for everything , thank you for being there for me whenever i need someone or even when im bored . you will make me laugh like hell . a big fat thanks to you k? im sorry fr everything that ive did . i know it was my fault . im the one who start treating you like shit and now we dont talk, laugh and share everything anymore I hope you know how much I regret doing the things I did .I keep thinking about it every single day .How sorry I am .And you still treat me like shit , IMY . but i think
now its time to built a bridge and get over it . It may take time . But theres nothing else I can do . Wait for a miracle to happen ? I don't think miracles would happen now . Whats done is done , there's nothing else more I can do . So this is it , this is the end . I shall stop trying , and built myself a bridge . huh , i wish im strong enough to built a bridge . lets just HOPE ! okay enough craps . But remember one thing , whenever you help , ill be there .

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Okay here's the thing okay. To spice things up, someone isn't satisfied. C'mon, don't let your emotion rule your mind. Let bygones be bygones. You don't have to bring it up again, it's annoying and it pisses me off.I've been on numerous hell rides on roads that are too rocky for me to bear with. I have had enough .I don't want to mess my mind up with other problems that are not worth my time. Yes, not worth my time but who am I to avoid myself from thinking about it, right ? so please? im tired. haih . alright , im not gonna talk about it . -,-

Yes, school was great :D .Okay, today during tasawwur ,It makes me realize that anything can happen. Even in a split second Allah can take your life anytime. When you're young or old. When you're cooking or sleeping. It's possible :x .

Gosh, I just love school. Whenever I tell my friends about my problems, they'll try to cheer me up or they just don't wanna see me moody and allMost important is, they'll just make me laugh like I'm the happiest person in the world (: .

I went to az-zahra with ena and thahirah (: and zaqer and azim was there too . And azim whenever i saw you , ill think about that BITCH ! and both of you are cute okay . haha (: they ROCK man ! (: PROUD to say , saya study (: . Okay ? :PI can't seem to squeeze those gazillion facts of Agama and Sejarah into my brain .So technically, I'm blank. You can hear crickets singing in my brain !That's just because I'm not ready for the papers. Like I said, I'm totally, extremely BLANK ! what am i suppose to do now ? tell me please? i tried okay !

god , please help me . i do need you in my life . you are my everything , i can tell you anything , anytime , you will always be there , thank you .

Okay i gtg (: . Need to bath and STUDY :P . and yeah , cant wait fr the tuition ! haha P: toddles ! :

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

hurm, where should i start? im quite happy today because i think i can answer the TASAWWUR papers . man , i cant believe it ! thank god i studied last night and this morning, i hope ill score ! -,-. what ? im just hoping ! SHUT UP! :P
and guess what a few more days, I'll be saying hello to those ugly, brain-squeezing papers. Aaahh nice -.- right?If it's not mid-term, I won't really give a flying tuck but no, this is mid-term. Yes, I bold it so that you guys would understand the stress I'll be going thats mean spm is just around the corner , :( . boo fr me. damn , i need someone to teach the form 4 maths,like seriously . I have to be nerdified and bury my head in note books and text books.Conclusion is, I have a lot of catching up to do. I have to concentrate in class. I can't do something else during a different subject's period. I have to do a lot of notes and most important is..
Yeap, that's the study spirit :)

what else?i came back from school at 4 . went to library . try to to the BM essay :) alhamdulillah , its kind a worth it la . will try to do it more :) im sure CIKGU SUHAIMI will help me :)
okay lah , i need to get ready to tuition (Y) bye guys :)

damn,my legs hurt.really:'(

Monday, May 17, 2010

My first post :P

Okay ,now now, why am I feeling so restless right now ? I feel like there's something wrong. Am I being paranoid or what ? i feel like there's something is keep bothering me , i dont know what is it . I've been trying to forget my problems at times. And it works by just laugh, talk, etc. and and im just sick with that girl behavior.i dont know what is wrong with her,she keep making fun of me . i ddnt do anything . she think she hs the coolest bf ever but hey i dont give a damn about that ok? please , stop it . youre making me stress.i try not to bother bt hey i hv feeling too right? and nowadays my mood swing and its because of YOU girl . what do you want me to do? tell me. if thats the only thing that can make you satisfied they why not right? I wish i can do something about it but something is pulling me back ! ok enough craps.

School was okay la . the first period was pjk which is AWESOME . me and umirah did the Ujian thinggy minggy and we had FUN! :D . and the tassawur and pd was SUPERB too :) because we hv the coolest teachers ever ! i swear , i love all of you so damn freaking much ! Puan razana told us that we're going to Terengganu next month fr the sivics and im exited . I just need to rest my head . I told arif,muiz,umi,aishah,lili and piqa about the probs (while eca was sleeping) that im having and they want me to ask her why is she doing all this shits to me bcz i did nothing ! thanks guys , You guys are coolest friends ever, you guys is always there when i need you guys the most. i am not srong enough to handle this shitty things alone. pffft ,emo . But a big Fat thanks to you guys k ? i owe you guys much ! and im gonna miss you guys so damn much . :) you guys are the BOMB!

okay what else? hurm , Cikgu Suhaimi asked me why am i being so emo lately . Okay cikgu , ill try to be cool.ill try okay :) god willing .

i gtg, my mom's calling. we're going to eat :) so byebye guys . tc of yourself and thank you fr lending me your eyes :D